If you were to take a poll of every genre and nationality of people in this world you would find that the majority have had to overcome something in their past that was life changing. It doesn’t matter if it was your parents getting divorced, loss of a loved one, raised in foster care, homeless, abused, molested, raped, bullied, manipulated, drugs, alcohol, gangs and the list goes on.
No one starts out in life wanting these types of problems to be part of their lives. We all want love, acceptance, belief, acknowledgment and respect. Not everyone is fortunate enough to receive these things and in spite of not having them in ones life, growing up to be someone special, someone loved, someone that others listen to is really what we strive for each day.
It comes down to choices in the grand scheme of things whether you will respond and act like a victim or a victor in your life. There are many that feel people; government and anyone that will listen owe them for there terrible past and they do their best to get out of others as much as possible. They feel entitled due to there past. Others just as bad if not worse past lives manage to become people you want to be around, cherished, loved, respected, adored and successful. It’s all in the attitude in which you go through life and your choices.
Based also on how you respond will also dictate whether or not you will have addictions that you turn to instead of people and those that love you. Some feel they deserve the bad things that have happened to them in their past, where others realize it wasn’t up to them at all, they were merely a bystander in a bad situation. How you see yourself in this overall landscape will determine how others respond to you and treat you.
Here are a few tips to move from victim to victor.
1. Stop thinking of just yourself. Yes, we have to think of ourselves from time to time, but what we really need to do is start helping others, listening to others and stop with the constant me, me, me mentality.
2. Stop talking about your past like it’s a badge of honor. Look, there are people that go through very traumatic things and they manage to never say a word and just adapt and make choices and not dwell on it. If anyone should be honored for putting their life back together and moving on it’s them. Talking about your past every time someone sees you is down right painful for the person listening yet again. You are repeating the events but not dealing with the hurts or pain. This isn’t healthy for you and others get tired of hearing that you can’t move on even when they listen and make suggestions that you ignore.
3. Make a choice to move forward with your life. It’s time to let go of the past and start thinking of your dreams for the future. Get out some paper or a blank document on your computer and write out the things you have always dreamed of doing. Don’t blame your past for why you haven’t. It’s a new day, you have new choices to make and it’s up to you to make them.
4. Pick one item on your dream list and figure out what you need to make that dream become reality. Do you want to lose weight? Usually it takes more than just wanting to do it. You need a food plan, an exercise plan, regular sleep, ways to handle stress and a deadline. If you want to lose 50 pounds by Thanksgiving then calculate that out backwards and figure out how much you need to lose a month and how much you need to lose a week to make that happen.
5. Find a close friend to hold you accountable to your goal. Yes, you need to have someone you can talk to when you are struggling to get to that walk or you want to eat that one small bag of candy. Schedule a time with your friend to check in when you have completed your workout, or have them join you to hold you accountable to show up. Let the other person be encouragement when you need it and hold you to the fire when you want to give up and they can celebrate with you too when you succeed.
6. Journaling is important. Sometimes you begin a goal and as you are on the journey something triggers a memory, a past experience or feelings that you didn’t realize were there. Get out that journal and write it all down, what you are feeling, whether you know why you are feeling it or not, just let the thoughts about those feelings flow and eventually you will get out something major you needed to overcome to continue on your journey. Use this tool for any area in your life.
7. Affirmations are key. Those of us with a troubled past need to write out affirmations to help us begin to change those negative thoughts into positive ones. Example: “I am a beautiful person and I deserve to have success with reaching my weight loss goals and being a healthy, fit and trim individual that I know I can be.” You can do this with anything or any area you are struggling, perhaps you have feelings of not deserving, or unworthy, but when you really think about it you deserve success just like anyone else. Why not claim it with affirmations?
8. Volunteering can be healthy. Are there ways you could volunteer to help others? A food bank, a clothing drive, driving someone to doctor appointments or inviting someone over for dinner, taking food to a homeless person, helping a child or teenager with homework or even being a big brother or sister to them and so forth. There is much need in this world and there is always some way you can give back. You are not only helping the person you are helping but you in turn help yourself to realize how blessed you really are in your life.
9. Take action. When you set goals and begin taking action to achieve them you no longer have time to focus on the past or negative issues. It’s good for you and your health to begin doing the things that matter to you and not dwelling on the things that harmed you in the past. Begin taking action and doing to heal your hurts.
10. Learn to forgive. Now this one is harder for most depending on the hurt and things that took place. Here’s the thing, you aren’t forgiving them for their sake, and you are forgiving them for yours. As you let this eat at you day after day, year after year, it starts to affect your health, your spirit, and your attitude and when it does that it causes you to be a person others don’t want to be around because you are back to being the victim.
11. Seek counseling. Sometimes we all need some help to get through those difficult times in our lives that truly hurt you and you don’t know how to deal with it. You may need to talk to a professional counselor so they can guide you through the past events in a way that you are capable of dealing with and understanding. There is no right or wrong way to heal the past pains, but you do need to do that for your own well-being.
12. Talk to God. As you know I’m a Christian and as such I believe in taking my troubles to God, talking to him in prayer about them and seeking his guidance and wisdom to do the right things in my life. This to me should be one of the first steps but for the sake of those that believe otherwise I moved it to the end. Finding a good bible teaching church, a pastor you can seek counsel with when you are struggling, reading the bible (a good version like the New Living Translation), and going to God in prayer daily will help you get out of this victim mindset and turn into a victor instead.
Your hurts of the past may be from childhood and the need for professional help may be how you are best suited to get past it. Other hurts have caused you to not understand why something has happened in your life and thinking it’s not fair. There are many things in life that are not fair but those are circumstances we all go through. You are not alone in your trials, but don’t make yourself so focused on the past and the pain that you never see the positive and blessings that are in front of you each day now.
I hope this will help you if you are struggling with things in your past. Please share this with others that you know have past hurts and need some tips to help them get through those things and move on with their lives. I would love to hear from you in the comments below if you have another tip of how to overcome past hurts and pain. It may help others that also read to see that information.
Thank you for reading and have a blessed week.